As it slowly dawns on men that women want dudes who support the basic tenets of feminism (like, say, that women and men are equals and should be treated as such) there will inevitably be those who talk the talk just to get laid. To them, it’s all a new pick-up tactic, not a new way of thinking about gender equality.
So, are the men in your life woke dudes or woke duds? Here are six signs that he’s using the Me Too movement to make himself seem like the hero we all need — rather than the predator he is.
1. He refuses to acknowledge or to hold himself accountable for actions in his past.
Did he act aggressively toward women in “the old days”? Did he heckle female comedians on stage? Did he catcall ladies from his car at stop lights? Does he refuse to discuss these past transgressions? Or worse, does he pity himself for actions in the past rather than actively work to undo them? It’s one thing to have behaved like a dick in the past, but to keep getting butt hurt when you encourage him to keep learning and “working” to become an advocate for women everywhere? I call bullshit.
If he removes the focus from victims to point out that he would never do such a thing, be wary.
2. He seeks praise for acts of allyship.
Have you noticed that the conversation surrounding sexual assault and harassment somehow always comes back to him? If he removes focus from victims to continuously point out that he would never do such a thing, be wary. This type of guy will constantly seek validation as “one of the good ones,” rather than stepping back or stepping forward at the appropriate times.
3. He mansplains the movement any chance he gets.
If it comes up in conversation, he jumps in immediately not to show support, but rather to show that he knows the subject matter. He speaks over women who are just as capable of passing on information. This is a form of intellectual aggression. Don’t get us wrong, it’s important that he knows what the movement is about, but a key piece of showing up for marginalized and threatened groups is being quiet and willing to listen to those who are a part of it.
4. He talks about the need to protect and respect women but he still uses misogynistic language like “whore” or “slut” in order to bring sexually comfortable women down.
Language is harmful and a man who uses it is even more so.
5. He still thinks jokes about rape and sexual assault are funny.
This seems like a ridiculous notion, but there are a number of men who claim to be “allies with a sense of humor”. Yeah, no.
6. He’s transphobic.
A “real” woman is anyone who identifies as one. End of story.
TLDR; If your man is talking over sexual assault and harassment survivors rather than listening and stepping up in times of need to protect them, he’s not an ally. You deserve better!
Liah Paterson is a Queens-based illustrator, writer, and professional crier. Find her full portfolio at www.liahpaterson.com.