This story is part of our collaboration with the Slut Blog by Amber Rose. It was published originally as “How To Remove Sex Stains From Anything.”
Photography by Jessica Pettway.
There’s a few things you don’t want hanging around after a hookup… A wrist cramp, a UTI, a clingy ex… or stains on your sheets. No matter how cute bae is, chances are you don’t want to be wearing a souvenir. So here’s the 4-1-1 on how to remove bodily fluid stains from clothes, sheets, and other fabrics.
What if the stain is on my clothes?
With any stain, you’ll get the best results if you treat it when it’s fresh. Sure, it might be a mood killer to run to the laundry room to treat a stain but your clothes will thank you. Removing stains from clothes depends slightly on what fabric your clothes are made of – the best thing to remember is to use cool water because hot water can actually set organic stains. Try to keep the stain wet until you are able to treat it. (Club soda works well for this). And always avoid putting the item in the dryer until the stain is removed to your standards, as heat drying will set the stain permanently.
For washable fabrics, treat the stain right away using cool water and a clean towel. Gently blot the stain and remove what you can that way. If the stain has already set, soak the garment in pre-wash treatment, then wash as usual. If the fabric isn’t washable or is delicate (think wool or silk), be careful because too much scrubbing can ruin them, and the wrong laundry product can also do more harm than good. Try cold water, and a gentle hand-wash treatment like Woolite.
What if the stain is on my sheets?
Unless you’re someone who sleeps in silk or satin sheets (you fancy, huh), simply soak your sheets in cold water and the fresh stain should come right out. It’s always best to wash sheets right away, before the stain migrates to your mattress or mattress pad. (Speaking of mattress pad, if you or your partner is a squirter, it might be worth it to invest in a washable waterproof mattress cover.) If the stains have set into your sheets, brush off any dried on bits and then soak the sheets in an enzyme-based pre-soaking stain remover before washing and drying like normal. PS: enzyme stain remover is handy for removing blood stains, too.
(Speaking of mattress pad, if you or your partner is a squirter, it might be worth it to invest in a washable waterproof mattress cover.)
What if the stain is on couch? Or futon? Or the backseat of my car?
Same rules apply – only chances are you can’t throw your futon in the washing machine. Use cool water or club soda to keep the stain wet and remove what you can, and if that doesn’t work, try a spray-on stain remover. For leather, simply wipe the area clean with a damp rag – if the stain has set, try a bit of leather cleaning spray.
What if the stain is on my carpet?
Listen. It happens. When you notice the stain, grab a clean sponge or towel with cool water and blot (NOT rub) the stain. If that doesn’t work, mix a bit of cool water with some laundry detergent or carpet cleaner dab up the excess water with a clean towel, and leave the area to dry naturally. Once the area has dried, if there’s still a bit of stain left, gently brush the area with a clean brush, then vacuum. (Hoe tip: keep a small trash can near the bed so you won’t be tempted to drop used condoms, dental dams or lube packets on your carpet).
(Hoe tip: keep a small trash can near the bed so you won’t be tempted to drop used condoms, dental dams or lube packets on your carpet).