By Sabby Shaw
The other night, as I laid in bed contemplating if I should Tramadol myself to sleep or stare at my phone for hours until passing out, I scrolled through Instagram and saw that Asa Akira was having a guy with two dicks on her Pornhub podcast. Two dicks? Did I read that right? Two literal penises? I was more than intrigued. I wanted to learn more, more, more, more. My mind went wild thinking of all of the possibilities: DP? Yes. Two boners? Yes. Did he like one more than the other? Yes, the right one. Does he like having two dicks? Yes!
As I delved fully into my YouTube, Twitter, Reddit, Wikipedia, and Web MD spiral of research, I remembered hearing about a woman born with two vaginas on Maury. So, after I pictured them both having sex with one another (of course), I Googled her, too.
What I found was a strikingly different experience.
The male condition known as Diphallia is extremely rare — like, one out of 5.5 million men rare. As my mouth literally salivated, I learned he was bisexual (hot), he had written a book (hot), and he had been interviewed on dozens of news outlets. He had one of the most popular AMAs in all of Reddit history. He had even been on Oprah. I seemed to me like he had a really positive outlook on his Diaphallic blessing and — wait for it — HE ACTUALLY DID PORN (Google: “double dick dude”). This guy made an entire career out of his genetic condition. He’s currently in a three-way exclusive polyamorous relationship with his girlfriend and boyfriend. It sounded like he views his situation as a true blessing.
The male condition known as Diphallia is extremely rare — like, one out of 5.5 million men rare.
Stoked on my new discovery, I wanted to learn about the female perspective. What I found was not at all what I expected. I found headlines like “I Felt Like A Freak Of Nature,” “The Heartache of Having Two Vaginas” and even “Woman with TWO vaginas speaks out about the physical and emotional problems she faces with the rare condition.” I read about the horrible month-long periods, the unbearable cramps, and the miscarriages that led to a double hysterectomy. Having to use adult diapers to soak up the blood. The shame and embarrassment and the abject objectification she was subjected to from most partners. Feeling “less than” for having more than.
I read about the shame and the abject objectification she was subjected to from most partners. Feeling less than for having more than.
Reports suggest that the condition called uterus didelphys is a lot more common than its male counterpart, affecting roughly 1 in every 3,000 women. It usually always leads to a complete hysterectomy.
Still, the headlines for those with this condition all had one thing in common: it’s actually not that fun to have two vaginas. It’s awkward at best, and at worst you are made to feel like a freak of nature and lose your entire reproductive system. In an article written by Rebel Circus, a woman by the name of Cassandra says that “it’s no real issue for my friends – I just tell them I’m pretty special but they just see me as Cassy…not Cassy with the two vaginas.” She is using her recent attention to promote body positivity and acceptance.
The article pushed for some explicit information on her sex life. Cassandra responded by skirting the question about personal pleasure and stated that it doesn’t matter to her. She is looking for an emotional connection first and foremost and the sex comes secondly. She states she is apprehensive about revealing her condition, but hopes to find the right guy who won’t mind at all.
Won’t. Mind. At. All. I wanted to give her a hug through the computer screen. I was shook by the dichotomy of the male and female experience. Fuck the patriarchy. It felt so biologically destined to be a shitty experience for a woman and a huge celebratory “high five, bro” for the man. Maybe God is a man (ugh no, definitely not). As I started questioning the meaning of life and my philosophical position therein, I thought about how women maybe have to be the bearers of birth for a reason: because we can handle it. Ever met a dude who didn’t cry over a paper cut? Yeah, me neither.
I was shook by the dichotomy of the male and female experience. It felt so biologically destined to be a shitty experience for a woman and a huge celebratory “high five, bro” for the man.
As I thought about the unfairness of my discovery, I began to wonder how I would feel If I had two vaginas. Stoked? Probably not. Honestly, the fact that most of these women didn’t even notice until they were in their late teens is very telling. Because it doesn’t fucking matter. That isn’t where our power lies. It honestly makes no difference what my pussy is like. I could have 12.
Women do not measure our self worth by the quality of our genitals; men do. And they are so fucking oblivious to the inner workings of a vagina that they honestly are just shooting in the dark. I’ve had men tell me I’m so tight, wow so tight when in reality I fucked a 10-inch cock for 3 hours straight for a shoot the day before. They don’t seem to understand that it’s a fucking muscle. It doesn’t “get loose.” There is no such thing as bad pussy. If your pH is right, it’s all good pussy.
Women do not measure our self worth by the quality of our genitals; men do.
Men judge each other by the size of their cocks. We don’t. So who is objectifying who? Men are so hyperaware of their shortcomings, they project. So hey bro, that’s so cool you have two cocks. Take the fact that a man with two dicks is having the time of his life and has two partners while the women with two vaginas are all looking for monogamy. One report stated that a woman with uterus didelphys has been with the same man for 19 years because he accepts her for who she is, not what she has down under. Is a mere “acceptance” the best we can hope for here? Harsh.
I don’t like any of this. It doesn’t sit well with me and I want a do-over. As I’m mentally mining for a conclusion to this mindfuck of an article, the cocky looking man sitting across from me at the bar asks me what I’m doing. I tell him. We talk. He’s basic and has the expected response any dude over the age of 40 with an Oxford collar would have. And then he gave me this gem: “I have no idea why, but it’s just much more interesting to have two cocks.”
In light of “Big Dick Energy,” we are left with a scintillating thought. Size Does matter — but only to men. Perhaps they are the true size queens. I love a nice, big, hard cock as much as the next person, but I’m not gonna base my entire persona on the size of my pussy. That’s fuckin’ weird. Y’all men should get over it and focus on learning how to eat pussy instead.
Sabby Shaw is a Brooklyn-based indy porn performer, sex worker, and activist. Find her work on Instagram at @sabbyshaw.